My Trifling Granddaddy

Let me begin this story by saying that I love my family and I love my grandfather. This being said, my granddaddy has got to be the dumbest mofo alive. My granddaddy has always kept us on our toes, whether it was leaving my grandmother while she was sick with cancer, or trying to bring his crack head girlfriend to her funeral. You just never knew what to expect from him. It was always better to expect the unexpected. While my granddaddy has always done just what he pleases, he’s always had health problems to kick it just when it was time for him to slow down whatever dirt he was doing. He’s had seizures for as long as I’ve known and has taken medication to keep the seizures at a minimum. So, with the seizures, he has diabetes, high blood pressure and probably a long list of ailments that we don’t even know about. So, know that this insight to his history, I can begin this recent episode that I’ll call, “My Trifling Granddaddy”.

My sister comes to Memphis to visit for the 1st time in a year. We’re hanging out and enjoying ourselves when my aunt, who is a slightly hysterical, calls and says that Granddaddy was rushed to the hospital. There’s something going on with this medication and he’s been hospitalized. So, we stop what we’re doing and go to the hospital to check on him to calm my aunt’s nerves. When we get to the hospital, he’s resting peacefully. We wake him and let him know that we’re just checking on him and that we were going to keep him company for a while. He sits up and is his normal joking self and manages to tell me that I’m fat and that he feels like “duck mess”. Anyway, back to him. While we’re sitting there talking to him, the doctor comes in to talk to him. This is when it gets interesting.

Once the doctor comes in and asks him what’s going on and why there was more Dilantin than normal in his system, he gets incoherent. He’s not making sense; he’s telling stories to the doctor that have NOTHING to do with why he’s in the hospital now. We come to find out that he has taken way more Dilantin than he should, but has also, NOT taken his diabetes medicine or his high blood pressure medicine. We won’t find out why until later.

Once the doctor leaves, me and my sister leave as well. We’re in the car talking and both feel like he wasn’t telling the truth about anything, like there was something else going on, but he didn’t want to say in front of us. We left it alone and just enjoyed the remainder of our weekend (‘larly).

The following Monday, my mom calls both me and my sister and says that she wants to tell us about our granddaddy and what really happened. This is what really happened to him and why he ended up in the hospital:

He lives on a farm with his wife. Wifey is gone to visit her children for whatever reason. He didn’t want to go, so she left him alone at the farm. At some other point, the local crack heads begin to ‘spend time’ out at the farm with my granddaddy. From what I heard, they (the local crack heads) were smoking crack in his house as well as other ‘tasks’ for him. He said they were getting naked and dancing, yeah right! I also could have sworn my mom said that he said that they even brought one to him just to perform oral sex on him! So, this leads back to his medication and why there was more in his system than normal. He knew that seizures were more likely to happen as he became more excited. So he decided to take twice the dosage of medication in order to prevent the seizures from happening while he became excited. That’s right…he was overdosing on Dilantin because he wanted to have sex with crack heads while his wife was out of town!

Maybe by luck (for now) he has managed to keep his wife from coming back, I only suppose so he can figure out a way to cover all of his lies.

Oh, by the way, in the time that he was in the hospital, the crack heads managed to steal his alcohol and replace it with water!

This kind of shit would only happen to my trifling granddaddy. Now we’re just waiting on Wifey to get home and whoop his ass!