The bet....

Well............................what can I say? Looks like I've lost the bet. It's the 31st and JH is still going strong, doing well for the team and staying out of trouble.

Don't think I thought this all the way through(don't say anything, Flex). Oh, well...there's always next time.

Guess I'll have to reluctantly pay up on this bet.....DANG!!!!!!!


Vintage Me >.<

Weight Loss Update

I MADE MY GOAL WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been meaning to get on here and post, but I've been so busy this week with meetings and such. I went to weigh in on Wednesday and reached my goal weight. This journey has been long and there were definately times where I didn't think I would make it, but I stuck with it and I actually did. I talked with my friend Flex about it and we both thought that we would be on WW for a little while and that we probably would stick with it, but we have!!! She's reached her weight goal as well. I'm so proud of us!!! I'll post some pictures of us later.

Thanks to everyone who provided support and wouldn't make brownies for us when we asked for them :)

Vintage Me >.<

I've been called many things...

In my life time, I've been called many names. Some were nicknames from my family, some were nicknames from my sorority, some were just plain rude and not very nice. I've never really cared about those, though. In the last 4 years, I've been called something else, Mommy!!!

If you had told me 5 years ago that I would have two kids - I wouldn't have believed it. My children are the most precious gifts that I have ever received. There are times that being a single mother of 2 children is really challenging. When I was first separated from my husband and dealing with becoming a single mother, it was the most difficult time of my life. I constantly worried everyday that I was making a bad decision for my boys. They went from living in a house on a very nice cove, with a big backyard with two parents to being shuffled back and forth between that houses and my small apartment. I knew I needed to get out of the situation that I was in, but I worried for my children. I worried about the change for them. I worried how they were adjusting to it all. Through this, though - I was having a mini-breakdown. Looking back, I realize that I slipped into a short spell of depression. There were many times that I was so overcome with the pain of the ending of my marriage, that I really couldn't deal with anything else. I wasn't the best mother at that time for my children. There were so many days that I didn't think that I would be able to even get out of the bed, but there were these angels that made it possible. There was also another angel in my life that helped me get through the really rough times. He came through for me when I didn't have anyone else to turn to and when I didn't think I would be able to handle the pressure by myself. I don't know too many men that would step in and help out with another man's children. This person stepped up to the plate and came in and helped in ways that he doesn't even know that he did. There were a lot of times that I don't know how I would have made it through those first few months without him.

My children are the world to me, they are alike in a lot of ways, but they have very different personalities. The oldest is very emotional, touchy-feely, and a bit of a cry-baby. He's very smart and intelligent and loves race cars and movies. He'll be in the middle of watching a movie or playing and come find me and say, "Mommy, can I give you a hug?", and then go back to doing what he was doing previously. He gives the best hugs!!!

The youngest is a bit of a rebel, a free spirit, doesn't really care about anything(not in a bad way), he just goes with the flow of things. He, too is very smart. He picks up on things from his brother. He's also a clown, he tries to make people laugh and usually succeeds. He is a really funny 2 year old. It makes it hard to discipline him because he'll say something on purpose to get a laugh out of you. There are times that he can be sweet - the other day, he was sitting on my lap while I was reading him this book and he looked at me and said "mommy, I will be your baby" and I said yes, "you are my baby". He said "good!"

I've been told that the youngest is like me and the oldest is like his father. I agree. The oldest is assertive, he'll ask you a million times for something until he wears you down. The youngest is aggressive, he'll just take what he wants instead of waiting on you to respond.

I thank God every single day for these two boys in my life. I know that with the help and support of some wonderful men in their lives - they can do anything. These two little boys have a wonderful way of making me smile - even when I don't want to.

Jan 11th

I'm sitting at work, eating lunch at my desk - something that I try not to do, but today...I don't feel like going anywhere or really doing anything. I decided to write in my blog, but I don't have anything to write about. I'm trying to remember the direction I was going the other day with the familiar road thing, but that was 3 days ago...there's no telling. I searched some other blogs that I frequently read to see if they had posted anything that could jog my creative juices, but nothing!!!

Well...what's going on with me?
I've got one son that's starting to get into the whole I'm-going-to-talk-back-to-mommy-phase, the other one is biting people at school. I don't know what's going on with the two of them!!!

The PSYCHO ex-boyfriend called and left a message on my cellphone yesterday....good thing I saved his number in my phone under the name PSYCHO or I actually might have answered it. He said something about wanting to ask me something, but as far as I'm concerned, we don't have anything to talk about. As long as he's not calling me while he's following behind me in traffic :), I'm cool.

My blackberry started deleting information again...called my provider and they said they would send me another phone, but I don't want another one. Maybe this blackberry isn't for me? They said there was a bug in the software and once they release the newer version of the software it would be fixed. Of course, no ETA on when the software will be released.

I went to the Grizzlies-Lakers game on Tuesday. I don't know what happened to the Griz, but they actually played like they were getting paid that night. Kobe had a good night, too, but not like the Griz. It was a really good game, I had some good seats, too.

Well..I guess that's it for today. The boys got a board game for Christmas, so tonight is family night and I'm going to attempt to teach them how to play. I think it's either Chutes and Ladders or Candy Land.

Oh...I started getting these daily devotion emails...here is today's:

The title was Toxic Unforgiveness. It talked about our society's unwillingness to forgive each other for wrongdoings. We are so quick to sue each other, we don't simply stop and say "I'm sorry" or "I forgive you". We need to be more forgiving and learn to accept responsibility for our actions.

You have forgiven the iniquity of Your people; You have covered all their sin. —Psalm 85:2

Daggum!

Update on yesterday's entry(this bet isn't looking good for me):

Memphis' Hunt Earns First Honor of his Career











Jan. 8, 2007

Memphis senior guard Jeremy Hunt matched his career-high with 24 points in 24 minutes in an 88-55 victory over Cincinnati and was selected Conference USA Player of the Week, for games through Jan. 7, by a panel of media representatives covering the league.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK
JEREMY HUNT, Memphis
Senior, Guard, Memphis, Tenn.

Hunt tied his career-high with 24 points in just 24 minutes as the Tigers defeated former C-USA foe Cincinnati, 88-55, on Jan. 4. The senior guard nailed 7-of-8 field goals, including a career-best six 3-pointers, and was 4-of-4 from the free-throw line. At one point in the first half, Hunt had outscored the Bearcats on his own, 12-7. This is the first Conference USA Player of the Week honor for Hunt, who ranks among the Top 15 in the conference for scoring (13.8 ppg; 11th); field goal percentage (.466; 15th) and three-point field goal percentage (.422; 9th).

http://conferenceusa.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/010807aaf.html

Go Tigers Go!

I've always been a big U of M fan..I went there, graduated there, met some of my bestest friends there, etc. I've always supported the Tigers in basketball and football. I think its partly because I was in the band and we had to go to all the games (whether they were winning or not - and they weren't when I was in the band). The basketball team this year is doing well, despite losing a couple of games that they shouldn't have(Tennessee) anyway, there is a certain player on the team that in my opinion, shouldn't have been let back on the team. He had some problems in the past and he was kicked off the team, but allowed to come back this year. Now, its been told to me that he'll do what he needs to do in order to contribute to the team and keep his chances up on turning pro. I personally feel that he's too much of a liability for the team and that they're risking the team for the sake of one person.

So, because of my mouth and my opinions, I have a bet going with someone about this player. I felt like he wasn't going to make it through the end of January (let alone, the end of the season) without doing something to get him in trouble and bring negative light on the Memphis Tigers. The person that I have a bet with feels like this is his last chance and he's not going to do anything to mess up this chance he's been given.

The player in question has actually been doing well on the team and staying out of trouble. I know it may seem like I'm actually rooting against the Tigers because of this player, but I'm really not. I want them to do well, I just don't want them to put all of there stock in this one kid. However, it seems like I may lose this bet (daggum!). He scored 24 points against Cincy in a game that was a complete BLOWOUT!!!!!!

I normally don't make a bet unless I know I'm going to win - I've got to have a certain level of confidence in the bet and my standing on it. This bet...I guess I was wrong. Now, January isn't over yet, there's still time for anything to happen - and with the Memphis Tigers, anything can (prostitutes, domestic violence charges - you name it).

I'd hate to lose a bet, but if it means that the Tigers have a chance to go back into the NCAA tournament, then I guess it's okay to lose.

Next matchup:
Thursday, January 11th
at Houston(5-7) who lost their last game against Kentucky 70-77

Vintage Me >.<

Too many topics

I very rarely have times that I sit down to write and I have too many topics on my mind to narrow down to one, single topic. Today happens to be one of those days...I can't figure out exactly what I want to write about. I was talking with my friend Flex last night about writing and I mentioned to her that I wanted to write about censorship and insecurity and possible combining the two, I woke up this morning and read a friends' blog and he was talking about doing familiar things after a long time - that got me thinking, I just don't know. I think I'll go with my first thought and write about that and then hit on the familiarity thing later.

Here we go:

Lately I've been a lot more cautious than normal in my writings because of a certain circumstance. I'm a pretty open person, and I rarely use names in my blogs to protect the guilty :) Anyway...I was dealing with a situation that caused me to seriously consider every word that I wrote and I didn't like it. Going back and reading some of the things that I've written, whether I've posted them or not - I was censoring myself(more than normal).

The problem with this is that this is not a decision that I think I made myself, but because of higher than normal activity to my blog, it made me question what I wrote and what I was writing. On one hand I cared what was written and who was being protected, but on the other hand I was doing it for the wrong reasons.

At the start of the New Year, I went back to read some of my older entries and was wondering if any of what I said could be misinterpreted in anyway. I guess if you don't really know me and know some of the issues that I've faced in 2004-2005, you could read my blog thinking one thing and it's actually something else. Now...do I feel a need to clarify? No. I don't need to clarify any of my actions over the past year ANYBODY. Things that happen in the past, were in the past and they cannot be taken back. I don't have a need to justify anything to anyone in particular. This leads me into my 2nd topic of this post - insecurity.

I used to be a very insecure child, girl and woman. It was not until the ending of my marriage and divorce that I feel I lost my insecure thinking. I was always wondering if I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, this or that. I was so busy worried if I wasn't enough of something that I couldn't just enjoy what was going on around me. I dealt with insecurity at work, in my sorority, with my friends and especially guys. Being a survivor of domestic violence and rape, I became especially insecure with men. I was so worried that I was going to say something wrong or do something that was going to make them leave or hit me. This was something that I would deal with in relationships for 8 years. Once my marriage ended and I was pretty much back to square one - I decided to deal with my issues headon. I soon realized that I was/am pretty, I have a lot to offer the right man and I'm very secure in myself now. This has helped me tremendously in relationships since my marriage. Because I'm so confident in myself as a woman, I don't worry about whatever guy I'm dating. I realized that I cannot control anyone and that I have to trust what they're telling me.

I was dating this guy that told me that he slept with someone else. I never questioned who the woman was that he slept with because of two reasons: 1. I wasn't his girlfriend, 2. what difference would it have made if I knew who she was? Now, the me 3 years ago? She would have wanted to know who she was, when did it happen, where was I, what I could have done differently about the situation. The me now? I appreciated him telling me (because he really didn't have to - he didn't owe me anything) and we were able to move on from the situation - seriously. I have never thrown it in his face, we didn't even talk about it after he told me and we never had to have any long, drawn out conversation about it.

What changed in the me from 3 years ago to the me now? I'm secure in my womanhood. It's not cocky, but secure. Once you get to know me, you find out that I'm not like most women. The things that bother most woman don't really bother me. I go into relationships now with a clear understanding of who I am and what I want. I set the level of expectations and I work to meet those. If I'm in a casual relationship, then I know that there are going to be times that he may be out with someone else - hell, there may be times when he calls me that I may be out with someone else. As long as everyone involved knows the rules, so to speak, then I'm okay. I know what to expect of him and he will know what to expect of me. I understand the value of friends of the opposite sex and the healthy role that they can play in a relationship. I have friends that are of the opposite sex and I know that going forward into any relationship that I'll be in - those men that have played a role in my life aren't going anywhere and any man that cannot be with me because of those men - can keep on stepping. This being said, the man I could be with could also have friends that are girls. I really don't care, I can't worry about any other woman if I'm secure in myself.

So...how do censorship and insecurity tie together? I had been censoring myself and my blog because of someone else's insecurity. Guess what? Not anymore. See the thing is - while anyone can look on my blog and read anything that I've written, they're not getting the entire story of anything, and any story on my blog could potentially be about any particular person - and most times, it's not about the person that most people think it's about.

Going forward, I'm going to write about whatever I want to write about, whoever I want to write about as well. I'm not going to second guess myself for the sake of anyone. Now, I'm not going to write private and explicit entries...I've never done that and I'm not going to start now. I'm not going to attack anyone with words through my blog - I'd rather do that in person anyway :) I'm just going to be me!!

I think I read somewhere about awakening a sleeping giant :) They don't know what they're in for....

Vintage Me >.<

New Year, New Me

Happy New Year!! 2006 is officially a memory. It was an overall good year, with moments of frustration, anger and disappointments. Some of these moments came from the same person(s), others were spread across different people.

I worked really hard on being a better person, a better mother, a better friend and an overall better ME!! I think that I've done the best that I could do. I've been trying to live up to what I've said, and to be honest with myself.

That being said(c'mon...you knew it was coming), I would really appreciate it if people could be honest with me. I am so sick and tired of people lying to me(or hiding information) and assuming that I'm stupid. I deserve the truth from people and not to be consistently misled by people, or so they think. It's ridiculous to think that I don't see what is plainly in front of me. I wish some people could see how ridiculous it makes them look.

I've learned this past year, that you cannot be friends with everyone. You can be civil, but maybe not friends. I've learned that you cannot tell everyone everything - even some of your friends. Some people just want to use the information that you tell them against you in the future. I've learned that my children are the most honest people that I know. I've learned that I have a very small group fo friends that I love and in turn, they love me too! I've learned that it's really okay to let go of some people in your life. I've really learned that some people are only supposed to be in your life for certain reasons. I've learned that - and I really have learned this - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ALONE!

I don't have the answers for everything, and I don't pretend to. There are still plenty of times that I turn into a "girl" when I try real hard not to. I am human and I make mistakes, the thing with me is that I own up to my mistakes. I've made plenty of mistakes this past year, there are people that I've hurt - to those people, I'm sorry.

I would also like to say thank you to a few people that I have influenced my life this year and have made my life richer by being in it.

Thank you to:
God - without you, I am nothing. My faith had grown so much this year.

Andrew & Chris - without you, I am nothing. You two are the silliest, most handsome and the most joyful people in my life. I am so grateful that I have you.

Dad, Mom, Wanda - Thank you to the 3 of you for all of your support this year.

Khayree - there aren't enough words for you to understand how much you mean to me. I love
you dearly!

Susan - Mane What?!?!? Ride or Die, Freesol, Together we're brilliant, how many pt's do you have left, dogbird, boys are stupid, no I'm not doing anything, we are too much alike!

Harry - ah, Harry. You are something else. We've been through so much this year...I love you.

Theresa - I love you sissy...thanks for everything....don't drink from the can!

Jennifer - you are one of the smartest people that I know....we are better off...really we are.

Bryon - You are the smartest person that I know. You are a brilliant person and a wonderful soul...thank you for reminding me how strong I am.

Weight Watchers - 21 lbs pounds gone...4 more to goal. Enough said!

Drew - I'm not really sure what to say...we've had so many ups and downs this year. Thank goodness we've survived each other.

If I've left anyone off this list, it's simply an oversight......please charge it to my head and not my heart.


Here is to a wonderful 2007!!!!

Vintage Me >.<