I had this huge long story of the breakup and boo-hoo story of me and my ex. I deleted it because while I did care very deeply for him, I decided that he didn't deserve the amount of time/space that I was giving him on my blog. I do not say this out of anger, but really out of growth and maturity.
Trust me, I could be that vindictive ex-girlfriend and tell all the bad things in our relationship and probably even make things up to make him look bad. I could bad-mouth him to our mutual friends and give him the 'bird' every time I saw him. I could play the victim and only tell my side of things and portray him as a cold-hearted bastard.
But I won't. Really....I won't.
I cared a lot about this man. It didn't work out. For reasons that we both know. And that's all I have to say about him and the relationship.
good-bye Peanut....thanks for the memories.
vintageMelody
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friends.....how many of us have them?
Hopefully, you too have that Whodini song stuck in your head like me.
My friends.....wow, I really have some of the best friends in the world. And I'm not just saying that for sake of posting in my blog. I really truly mean that. I really never thought I'd have friends like I do, because I'm anti-social and a little bit stuck up (I know my sister is like "hell yeah").
We moved around a lot when I was growing up, so I never got the chance to really make friends with people because either we were moving or they moved. By the time I made it to high school, I was so standoffish that I never really approached people and my close group of friends was literally 3 or 4. And they were all in the band...I would've never been caught hanging out with non-band folks, seriously. That just shows you how stuck up I was in high school.
But then....college happened. I started out at UTC and immediately became friends with people that weren't in the band. I actually started hanging out and kicking it. But UTC was too small of a school for me and I really missed home, so I transferred to U of M. This is where things really took off!!
I was accepted into my sorority, Zeta Phi Beta and immediately had close friends not only in my sorority, but also with the men of Phi Beta Sigma. There were people that I met and instantly had things in common with , just because I was a part of a greek letter organization. We were a small population at the U of M and did so many activities together, it was hard not to become friends with so many people. But then something changed....I got married and pregnant and I was back in my own little world for a while.
During this transition time from "kicking it" Melody and "mommy" Melody, there have been a few people that have been right there by my side. My sister, of course. She's really my homie. I love, love, love this girl. And for us, the fact that we're really, truly friends now....says a lot. That'll be another posting at a later date.
My friends from high school - Khayree and Candi. These two nutcases...well, I guess I make three with them. I love these two to pieces. I'd stick up for them in a heartbeat. They are some of the best people you could ever know. They know me when I'm sincere and when I'm full of it and aren't afraid to call me on my BS. I wish I saw them more often, but God has a way of putting people right where they need to be when they need to be there.
My frat brother Gerald - this guy...this guy...this guy. Man...he's been there for me. If I ever need a man's point of view about something, he's right there (and usually correct). He has such a good heart and is such a good person. When we met, he was this scrawny little freshman that somehow ended up riding with me to Austin Peay for a stepshow. I was like "who the heck is this little kid?" And we were joined at the hip from that point on. He was frick to my frack in college. We've had a ton of great times together and I'm so happy of the man that he is to this day. I'm almost certain that some of my advice has helped over the years. LOL!!
My dawg Susan (I'm singing Atomic Dog in my head right now...if she's reading this, she's dancing like a Que) - this chick is indescribable. We've been through EVERYTHING together...cried, laughed, cursed, danced...and all in the span of 5 minutes. I can't even find the words to really express how much her friendship means to me. She's more than a friend...she's like my sister. She's my sister-friend. Let me stop before I cry.
**sniff, sniff**
My chica Tory - what can I say about this girl. From the moment I met her, I just knew we wouldn't be friends. I can say that about most people that I'm friends with. But this girl....she's a walking fashion display. She's the only person I know that accessorizes everything. She's flawless. She's got the perfect shoe, earring, necklace, belt...for any occasion. She's also got some of the greatest listening ears that I've ever met. This girl has listened to countless stories, dramas and situations that I've confided in her and she never judges me. Now she does give a mean "girl...don't you believe dat" face...but she listens. She's funny, smart and beautiful and a blessing in my life.
Its funny that when you really start looking over your life and all of the people in it, you really see that you're truly blessed. There are some friends that I didn't go in depth about for whatever reason. It doesn't mean that they're not as special as the others, these people were just close to my heart right now. And then....I have a shitty memory and I'm sure that I'll hit "Publish Post" and be like....damn...I forgot so-and-so. So for that...I have an honorable mention section. Those folks that I'm just now thinking about are "Shawna, Drew, Janese, Jezelle, Whitney and countless of other people"
I love each and every one of my friends. They really mean the world to me. I know that if I needed anything, if I were in pain, if I needed to cry, if I needed to laugh...I could pick up my phone and text or IM or BBM or facebook or whatever and they'd be right there.
To have friends...you must first be a friend.
Love and light
vintageMelody
My friends.....wow, I really have some of the best friends in the world. And I'm not just saying that for sake of posting in my blog. I really truly mean that. I really never thought I'd have friends like I do, because I'm anti-social and a little bit stuck up (I know my sister is like "hell yeah").
We moved around a lot when I was growing up, so I never got the chance to really make friends with people because either we were moving or they moved. By the time I made it to high school, I was so standoffish that I never really approached people and my close group of friends was literally 3 or 4. And they were all in the band...I would've never been caught hanging out with non-band folks, seriously. That just shows you how stuck up I was in high school.
But then....college happened. I started out at UTC and immediately became friends with people that weren't in the band. I actually started hanging out and kicking it. But UTC was too small of a school for me and I really missed home, so I transferred to U of M. This is where things really took off!!
I was accepted into my sorority, Zeta Phi Beta and immediately had close friends not only in my sorority, but also with the men of Phi Beta Sigma. There were people that I met and instantly had things in common with , just because I was a part of a greek letter organization. We were a small population at the U of M and did so many activities together, it was hard not to become friends with so many people. But then something changed....I got married and pregnant and I was back in my own little world for a while.
During this transition time from "kicking it" Melody and "mommy" Melody, there have been a few people that have been right there by my side. My sister, of course. She's really my homie. I love, love, love this girl. And for us, the fact that we're really, truly friends now....says a lot. That'll be another posting at a later date.
My friends from high school - Khayree and Candi. These two nutcases...well, I guess I make three with them. I love these two to pieces. I'd stick up for them in a heartbeat. They are some of the best people you could ever know. They know me when I'm sincere and when I'm full of it and aren't afraid to call me on my BS. I wish I saw them more often, but God has a way of putting people right where they need to be when they need to be there.
My frat brother Gerald - this guy...this guy...this guy. Man...he's been there for me. If I ever need a man's point of view about something, he's right there (and usually correct). He has such a good heart and is such a good person. When we met, he was this scrawny little freshman that somehow ended up riding with me to Austin Peay for a stepshow. I was like "who the heck is this little kid?" And we were joined at the hip from that point on. He was frick to my frack in college. We've had a ton of great times together and I'm so happy of the man that he is to this day. I'm almost certain that some of my advice has helped over the years. LOL!!
My dawg Susan (I'm singing Atomic Dog in my head right now...if she's reading this, she's dancing like a Que) - this chick is indescribable. We've been through EVERYTHING together...cried, laughed, cursed, danced...and all in the span of 5 minutes. I can't even find the words to really express how much her friendship means to me. She's more than a friend...she's like my sister. She's my sister-friend. Let me stop before I cry.
**sniff, sniff**
My chica Tory - what can I say about this girl. From the moment I met her, I just knew we wouldn't be friends. I can say that about most people that I'm friends with. But this girl....she's a walking fashion display. She's the only person I know that accessorizes everything. She's flawless. She's got the perfect shoe, earring, necklace, belt...for any occasion. She's also got some of the greatest listening ears that I've ever met. This girl has listened to countless stories, dramas and situations that I've confided in her and she never judges me. Now she does give a mean "girl...don't you believe dat" face...but she listens. She's funny, smart and beautiful and a blessing in my life.
Its funny that when you really start looking over your life and all of the people in it, you really see that you're truly blessed. There are some friends that I didn't go in depth about for whatever reason. It doesn't mean that they're not as special as the others, these people were just close to my heart right now. And then....I have a shitty memory and I'm sure that I'll hit "Publish Post" and be like....damn...I forgot so-and-so. So for that...I have an honorable mention section. Those folks that I'm just now thinking about are "Shawna, Drew, Janese, Jezelle, Whitney and countless of other people"
I love each and every one of my friends. They really mean the world to me. I know that if I needed anything, if I were in pain, if I needed to cry, if I needed to laugh...I could pick up my phone and text or IM or BBM or facebook or whatever and they'd be right there.
To have friends...you must first be a friend.
Love and light
vintageMelody
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Catching up on life...
I haven't posted since Feb 2010 and so much has happened since then...I can hardly believe how this year has just flown by.
A quick recap:
- uh...boyfriend of over a year is no more. he's a whole 'nother posting.....if i feel like devoting that much time to it. we'll see.
- went to counseling with ex-hubby....very theraputic, but isn't counseling supposed to be that way? Anyway, counseling really helped us resolve our old issues, but didn't really help us to be able to move forward together. The good thing is that we're in the best place we've ever been together - friends! Now, there are struggles as he wants more than I do, but we take things one day at a time and I no longer desire to push him down a ravine. Did I just say that? I didn't mean it....no, really....I didn't..
- Work...is....good. Sometimes, you just have to repeat that over and over again. Seriously, though, I love what I do but there are times that it is challenging, but anything worth it should challenge you from time to time.
- church - I'm in between church homes...this saddens me a little bit. I'll just keep praying that God shows me where I should be.
- friends - Now this should really be another post seperately and I think it will be. Stay tuned for it.
The biggest thing that happened this year was losing my grandmother; Big Mama. Even 2.5 months later, its still so hard to believe and yes, sometimes even harder to accept. This woman was my everything - even when I wanted to push her down a ravine. There goes that ravine again....hmmm.... I loved her more than anything, that is until my children were born.
She dealt with illness for years but she was so resilent and defiant that I always thought that nothing would take her out. It would have to be a nuclear winter or something. When I was younger and just learning to drive, that's when we would spend most of our time together. She loved to shop and taught me how to do it properly! Wear comfortable shoes, make sure you have plenty of time, take your time, look for sales, and lastly....enjoy yourself. She taught me my love for shoes, pretty dresses and accessories. I can still hear her voice telling me that I "needed those cute shoes". God....I loved that woman.
As her time here on earth was coming to an end, I'm so glad that I was able to spend time with her. Yeah...it was hard visiting with her and she didn't remember my name or she thought I was someone else...but in her eyes, I could tell she knew it was me.
The saturday before she died, my father pulled me aside and told me that he didn't think she had much time left and that he thought I needed to spend as much time with her as I could. I didn't really want to believe the words he was saying. The next day, I went to church and talked to my Pastor and let him know what was going on. I stopped by and visited with her after church...something told me to go. Not something....God told me to stop what I was doing. This was more important.
She wasn't right. She wasn't the same. She was watching something on TV, some sports program - something she didn't normally watch. She had this faraway look in her eyes and she would go from crying to smiling in a matter of seconds. She didn't say anything most of my visit with her. I just held her hand and told her how much I loved her. She just looked at me and smiled and rubbed my hand. As I got ready to go, I told her that I loved her once again and she looked me in the eye and said "I love you, too".
I drove away that day in tears. I knew we didn't have much time left and I made a promise to myself to spend my lunches at work with her. After all, she wasn't far from my job and I could sit and just spend time with her. I wanted as much time as possible.
That next day, I'm working from home with the kids and I tell them that we're gonna go to Mcdonalds and grab a bite to eat and go visit Big Mama. Just then, my phone rang and it was my dad. I will NEVER forget the sound of his voice and the words he said next...."baby...I wanted to call you first and let you know that Big Mama passed this morning..."
A blur of screaming, crying, pleading, begging and pain followed for what seemed like an eternity. I remember laying on the floor in my room beside my bed in a ball of disbelief and tears. I couldn't function. I couldn't think. I'm not sure how my ex-husband got there because I couldn't figure out how to work my phone to call anyone. I'm so thankful for him.
I composed myself to go with my father to make the arrangements for my grandmother, something I didn't think I'd be strong enough to do, but this was the last shopping trip per se for me and her and I had to suck it up and be there.
The course of the week leading to her funeral was a blur, but through the support of my friends and my sister, I never would've made it through. And I did make it. Now, unfortunately, I still have moments where I don't really believe that she's gone and I know it just takes time. I miss her so much and I just try to make her proud everyday. I'm glad that my children got to know her. My youngest climbed up in my lap the other day and told me that he misses her. Here's a picture of us at my highschool graduation....yeah, we were both crying.
I've had a rough year, but things are really looking up. And I'm promising myself to get back to my writing on a consistent basis. I don't always have some deep, thought provoking message to share with people. Sometimes, its nothing at all....but it means something to me.
I hope you'll check back in.....I'll be here and I'll leave the light on for ya!
Love and Light,
vintageMelody
A quick recap:
- uh...boyfriend of over a year is no more. he's a whole 'nother posting.....if i feel like devoting that much time to it. we'll see.
- went to counseling with ex-hubby....very theraputic, but isn't counseling supposed to be that way? Anyway, counseling really helped us resolve our old issues, but didn't really help us to be able to move forward together. The good thing is that we're in the best place we've ever been together - friends! Now, there are struggles as he wants more than I do, but we take things one day at a time and I no longer desire to push him down a ravine. Did I just say that? I didn't mean it....no, really....I didn't..
- Work...is....good. Sometimes, you just have to repeat that over and over again. Seriously, though, I love what I do but there are times that it is challenging, but anything worth it should challenge you from time to time.
- church - I'm in between church homes...this saddens me a little bit. I'll just keep praying that God shows me where I should be.
- friends - Now this should really be another post seperately and I think it will be. Stay tuned for it.
The biggest thing that happened this year was losing my grandmother; Big Mama. Even 2.5 months later, its still so hard to believe and yes, sometimes even harder to accept. This woman was my everything - even when I wanted to push her down a ravine. There goes that ravine again....hmmm.... I loved her more than anything, that is until my children were born.
She dealt with illness for years but she was so resilent and defiant that I always thought that nothing would take her out. It would have to be a nuclear winter or something. When I was younger and just learning to drive, that's when we would spend most of our time together. She loved to shop and taught me how to do it properly! Wear comfortable shoes, make sure you have plenty of time, take your time, look for sales, and lastly....enjoy yourself. She taught me my love for shoes, pretty dresses and accessories. I can still hear her voice telling me that I "needed those cute shoes". God....I loved that woman.
As her time here on earth was coming to an end, I'm so glad that I was able to spend time with her. Yeah...it was hard visiting with her and she didn't remember my name or she thought I was someone else...but in her eyes, I could tell she knew it was me.
The saturday before she died, my father pulled me aside and told me that he didn't think she had much time left and that he thought I needed to spend as much time with her as I could. I didn't really want to believe the words he was saying. The next day, I went to church and talked to my Pastor and let him know what was going on. I stopped by and visited with her after church...something told me to go. Not something....God told me to stop what I was doing. This was more important.
She wasn't right. She wasn't the same. She was watching something on TV, some sports program - something she didn't normally watch. She had this faraway look in her eyes and she would go from crying to smiling in a matter of seconds. She didn't say anything most of my visit with her. I just held her hand and told her how much I loved her. She just looked at me and smiled and rubbed my hand. As I got ready to go, I told her that I loved her once again and she looked me in the eye and said "I love you, too".
I drove away that day in tears. I knew we didn't have much time left and I made a promise to myself to spend my lunches at work with her. After all, she wasn't far from my job and I could sit and just spend time with her. I wanted as much time as possible.
That next day, I'm working from home with the kids and I tell them that we're gonna go to Mcdonalds and grab a bite to eat and go visit Big Mama. Just then, my phone rang and it was my dad. I will NEVER forget the sound of his voice and the words he said next...."baby...I wanted to call you first and let you know that Big Mama passed this morning..."
A blur of screaming, crying, pleading, begging and pain followed for what seemed like an eternity. I remember laying on the floor in my room beside my bed in a ball of disbelief and tears. I couldn't function. I couldn't think. I'm not sure how my ex-husband got there because I couldn't figure out how to work my phone to call anyone. I'm so thankful for him.
I composed myself to go with my father to make the arrangements for my grandmother, something I didn't think I'd be strong enough to do, but this was the last shopping trip per se for me and her and I had to suck it up and be there.
The course of the week leading to her funeral was a blur, but through the support of my friends and my sister, I never would've made it through. And I did make it. Now, unfortunately, I still have moments where I don't really believe that she's gone and I know it just takes time. I miss her so much and I just try to make her proud everyday. I'm glad that my children got to know her. My youngest climbed up in my lap the other day and told me that he misses her. Here's a picture of us at my highschool graduation....yeah, we were both crying.
I've had a rough year, but things are really looking up. And I'm promising myself to get back to my writing on a consistent basis. I don't always have some deep, thought provoking message to share with people. Sometimes, its nothing at all....but it means something to me.I hope you'll check back in.....I'll be here and I'll leave the light on for ya!
Love and Light,
vintageMelody
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