I don't have a boyfriend. I have a problem with that term anyway - I'm 30, why do I need a "boy"friend? Man sounds so territorial...anyway, I'm digressing from this story.
So...there is this guy. We are not dating. We are some sort of friends(that is a whole 'nother post). We have been "something" for a while. Not everyone knows this, nor do most people care. I can only think of two people that may care, and their opinions mean nothing to me. There are a few people who know some details of what is/was going on.
Let's back up a second. A disclaimer to the rest of the story:
He is a very charismatic person, one who is full of personality, sensitivity and at times a listening ear like a good girlfriend and a bottle of wine.
This is very dangerous. You'll see why in a minute.
Back to the story. So I have a friend, who I met through this guy. I didn't get a good feeling from her in the beginning, but we have developed a friendship. I've struggled lately because something felt wrong recently. I didn't know what it was until she uttered these words, "girl...I'm in love with your boyfriend". Like I said earlier, I don't have a boyfriend, so immediately, I didn't know who she was referring to. I told her this, and then she explained. She was talking about that guy. That guy who she knew how I felt about, that guy that she knew what I had been going through...that guy. She was talking about that guy.
It was very surreal to stand face to face with someone and they tell you something like that. They love the person that you love. Hmmmmm...really? I asked her, "really?" She said, "yes." It wasn't a, "I think so" or an "I guess" it was a "yes". All I could do was sit there and take it all in. What was I supposed to do with this information? Was I supposed to get mad at the girl? Was I supposed to be mad at myself for sharing information with her? Information that might have fueled her secret love toward him? Was I supposed to run and tell him not to be friends with her or to watch his back?
No.
I sat and listened to her. Why? Like I said earlier, I don't have a boyfriend. I don't own anybody. Now if I were married to this guy, it would have been a totally different conversation. But that day, I just listened. I wanted her to be able to get her feelings out. It seemed as though she had been wanting to tell me that for some time. Then she asked me, "are you mad at me?" I sat for a second and thought about it. I wasn't mad. I really wasn't. It was actually funny to me. Of course she loved him, why not? Doesn't she have a right to love whoever she wants? He's not committed to anyone (that I know of).
I finally told her that I wasn't mad at her. I'm not sure she believed me. I told her that it was understandable considering the type of person that he is(read that disclaimer again). I also told her that we probably weren't the only two people that felt that way about him. That made her laugh, but I didn't mean it as a joke. We're not. I know it.
Anyway, I also told her that I was fine with however she felt, but that I wouldn't share anymore private information with her concerning him because she said it made her feel uncomfortable. And then I told her what I felt was the most important statement of the whole conversation, "I'm not threatened by you." Now I didn't mean this as harsh as it comes across in this blog, but I'm not. It's not that I think I'm prettier than her or that she doesn't have anything to offer. I'm just not threatened by her(or anyone else). I may not end up with this guy, but I know that it was not because I'm not a good woman - it would be because he didn't see/appreciate how good of a woman I am.
So...are we still friends? Sure, why not? What's love got to do with it?
Vintage Me >.<
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